The Little Things That Count

This is something that has been on my mind the last few days and thought that it would be something good to serve as a reminder that the little things in a relationship are important. We all know that there are major things that are required of a couple to make the relationship work. But often it's so easy, as we race through each day trying to accomplish an impossible number of tasks, to forget about those we love. Soon, and often unintentionally, one partner, or both, are left feeling unappreciated, overlooked and in need of some serious "TLC."

Logically, we all know that a relationship must receive attention if it is to grow. Realistically, few of us take the time to fan the relationship flames as often as we should. But help is on the way.

Showing your special someone how much you love them doesn't have to take a lot of time or cost a lot of money. In fact, it's better if it doesn't -- it's the little things that we remember most. So don't wait until next Valentine's Day to show your significant other that you love and appreciate them. Try to incorporate at least one of these romantic ideas into your partner's day, everyday (and when you've done them all, keep going by creating your own, or repeat the cycle!)

Little things count in relationships -- just think back to your last argument with your spouse. Chances are it was over a mundane, little thing. Meanwhile, most people can instinctively rattle off at least a few (but probably many) little things their mate does that drives them crazy.

So I thought that I would touch on a few of the little things that make me smile:

25 BIG Little Things to do for Your Loved One

1. If it has been a month or perhaps for some a decade or more since you told your spouse why you love them, surprise them with a compliment! Simple but very powerful!
2. Leave a little love note in your loved one's briefcase, purse or lunch.
3. Guys, put the toilet seat down.
4. Give your spouse a 15-minute scalp massage.

5. Offer to do a chore that he or she normally does.
6. Blow your loved one a kiss, or give him or her a wink, as you're walking out the door.
7. Say "I love you" when they LEAST expect it.
8. Request a special song for him or her on the radio.
9. Plan an evening out for just the two of you.
10. Change the toilet paper roll when it's empty.
11. If your Saturday nights have been involving sweat suits and pizza for too long, surprise him or her by taking the time to get dressed up.
12. Preserve some mystery and romance in your relationship by closing the bathroom door when appropriate.
13. Offer to warm up your partner's car when it's cold outside.
14. Treat your loved one to a professional massage.
15. Bring home some coffee and a fresh fruit plate (or whatever breakfast treats you enjoy) one morning while your partner is still sleeping.
16. Acknowledge the things your partner does for you.
17. Pick up your loved one's favorite snack food the next time you're at the grocery store.
18. Take the kids to a movie so your spouse can relax in the tub/go to a yoga class/watch a football game.
19. Create a new tradition together. This can be something as simple as taking a walk together to get coffee on Saturday mornings, ordering Thai food on Sunday nights, or taking the dog for a walk together after work.
20. Turn off the TV for a night and ask your partner about his or her day/dreams/concerns.
21. Write a list of what you love about your partner and tape it to the bathroom mirror before you leave for work.
22. If you know that something you do bothers your spouse, don't do it. For instance, if leaving your dirty clothes next to the hamper (instead of in it) annoys your mate, make an effort to put your clothes inside.
23. Stop at the video store on your way home one night and surprise your loved one with a movie that he or she has been wanting to see (even if you'd really rather not).
24. Clear the clutter out of your bedroom, garage, basement or kitchen counter -- without expecting anything in return.
25. Do something out of the ordinary. This can be something simple, like getting home early from work to have dinner together or getting up early with your mate (even when you don't have to), but it can a have big effect on your relationship.

The No ASSHOLE Rule!

The first step is to recognize who is an asshole.
First Method: It’s called the Starbucks Test It goes like this: If you hear someone at Starbucks order a “decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low and one NutraSweet,” you’re in the presence of an asshole. It’s unlikely that this petty combination is necessary—the person ordering is trying to flex her power because she’s an asshole.

A second method is to use Suttons’s dirty-dozen list of everyday asshole actions:
Personal insults
Invading one’s personal territory
Uninvited personal contact
Threats and intimidation, both verbal and non-verbal
Sarcastic jokes and teasing used as insult delivery systems
Withering email flames
Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims
Public shaming or status degradation rituals
Rude interruptions
Two-faced attacks
Dirty looks
Treating people as if they are invisible

A third method—albeit the least reliable, scientific, and fair but the most fun—is to search Google with a person’s name (or a profession) plus “asshole.” This yields some interesting results. For example, I am associated more with the word “asshole” than Terrell Owens.

How To Avoid Being an Asshole
The first $64,000 question is, “How does one avoid being an asshole?” No big surprise, but I’ve compiled a top-ten list to summarize :

1. Face your past. The past is a very good predictor of future behavior. For example, were you a bully in school? If your parents and siblings were assholes, you may have caught the disease. Knowing that you’re an asshole is first step towards change.
2. Do not make people feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled. If you find yourself having these effects, it’s time to change your behavior no matter what you think of yourself.
3. Do not mistreat people who are less powerful than you. One of the sure signs of an asshole is treating people like clerks, flight attendants, and waiters in a degrading manner.
4. Resist assholeholics from the start. The easiest time to avoid becoming an asshole is at the very beginning. Don’t think that you can do “what you have to” to fit in and can change later. It won’t happen.
5. Walk away and stay away. Don’t be afraid to leave a bad situation. It’s unlikely you’ll change the assholes into good people; it’s much more likely that you’ll descend to their level.
6. View acting like an asshole as a communicable disease. If you have any sense of decency, when you’re sick, you avoid contact to prevent spreading the disease. So if you act like an asshole, you’re not just impacting yourself; you’re also teaching other people that it’s okay to be an asshole.
7. Focus on win-win. Children (young and old) think that the world is a zero-sum game. If another kid is playing with the fire truck, you can’t. As people get older they should realize that life doesn’t have to be a win-lose proposition--unless, that is, you’re an asshole.
8. Focus on ways you are no better or even worse than others. Thinking that you’re smarter, faster, better looking, funnier, whatever than others turns people into assholes. Thinking that you’re no better or even worse keeps you humble.
9. Focus on ways you are similar to people, not different. If you concentrate on how you and others have similar goals, desires, and passions, you’re bound to be less of an asshole. How can you treat people that are similar to you with disdain?
10. Tell yourself, “I have enough stuff (money, toys, friends, cars, whatever).” Discontentment and envy is a major factor in becoming an asshole. If you’re happy, there’s no reason to stomp on others.
How to Deal With Assholes
Let’s say that you’re not an asshole, but you have to cope with assholes. What can you do? That’s the second $64,000 question.

1. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. One of the most frustrating aspects of dealing with assholes is that they disappoint you--making you wonder the very value of humans. Lowering your expectations can help reduce disappointment. Don’t solely lower your expectations, though, or you will slip into cynicism (and possibly turn into an asshole too.) Continue to hope for the best.
2. Develop indifference and emotional detachment. In other words, don’t let the jerks get to you.
3. Look for small wins. Small victories can keep you going. Most assholes pride themselves in total control and absolute domination. Any victory, no matter how small, can keep you going. Rest assured that small victories can lead to winning the war.
4. Limit your exposure. You can do what you can to avoid meetings and interactions with assholes. This involves finding or building pockets of “safety, support, and sanity”.

5. Expose them. Marge’s Asshole Management Metric. This refers to four-point system from 0 to 3. Marge, the boss, would point to people who were behaving like assholes and hold up one, two, or three fingers according to this code:
1 = You are a normal person who can occasionally assert yourself on an issue you are passionate about, but you handle yourself in a non-confrontational way in nearly all occasions.
2 = You can consistently assert yourself in a non-confrontational way and are occasionally an asshole, but you feel horrible about it afterwards, and you may or may not apologize (but you probably will have to confess your remorse to someone).
3 = You can consistently be an asshole and you either do not recognize this or you simply enjoy it.
By the way, 0 in her system means this:
You are a very nice person, and very passive. No one can say a word against you and would never think to call you an asshole.
If you are safe in your position, then calling assholes out is a good way to deal with them.
6. De-escalate and re-educate. This strategy requires that the asshole you’re dealing with isn’t a “chronic,” “certified,” and “flagrant” asshole. It means meeting asshole behavior with calmness (instead of either similar behavior or fear) and trying to re-educate the person about how he’s behaving.
7. Stand up to them. Funny thing about assholes: Standing up to them shouldn’t necessarily scare you.

Man uses Barbie fishing rod to make record catch

ELKIN, N.C. - David Hayes' granddaughter just asked him to hold her Barbie rod and reel while she went to the bathroom. He did. And seconds later he landed the state record channel catfish at 21 pounds, 1 ounce.

Alyssa's father had bought the pink Barbie fishing rod for Christmas and she had caught a few bluegill before her grandfather hauled in the catfish. The Winston-Salem Journal reported the catch Aug. 5 in eastern Wilkes County has been certified as a record by the North Carolina Wildlife Resources Commission. Hayes and his granddaughter have been fishing in the pond behind his house since she was big enough to hold a pole. Hayes said his granddaughter worried he would break her rod. He landed the 21-pound fish on a 6-pound test line. It was 32 inches long, 2 inches longer than the rod.

Who says Barbie is just for girls!!!

Off to Court to Get Screwed Again!

October 2, 2008

Time 10:00AM

So once again I get to go and see the Court Commissioner whom I believe suffers from a severe case of little man syndrome. For the second time this year Brian and that hag of a mail order bride of his have decided they need to take me to court. This time it is to re establish how much he should pay in child support and also to give him more tax exemptions. Don't know why I should bother going to the court date as I know that the man with the Gavel is going to rule in favor of the man who no doubt will end up just calling in for the court date....even though according to him "it is not about the money"! Fuck that what a piece of shit...I know this is a day of negative postings and I do apologize for those of you who are having a good day but I am down right pissed and tired of getting fucked over by anything that has a penis between its legs and decides to talk. Don't expect me to be pleasant and think the world of you because I don't and I never will. Just remember, what goes around comes around, and God willing yours is coming soon.

This Just In: Kettlecorn Strikes Again!

Festival in the Pines was this weekend. An event that I generally enjoy! It has now been ruined for me forever with the revenge of Kettle Corn! Now I not only hate Kettlecorn, I hate any Festival, fair...basically any event that serves this monstrasity of a treat. I have absolutely no desire to see this crap again.

What started out as a fun adventure with Jamey's family to my favorite crafting event went arye when the Dink noticed the Kettlecorn stand and informed me "Hey look, its #4's favorite, you know what she wanted from Country Jam" to which I replied she can get her own...from that point it was on...and ladies and gentlemen I lost. I don't even fucking care any more. Because she is his friend he can get her some if he wants...and honestly I don't disagree with that...I buy shit for my friends all the time just because...the problem that I have with it is as follows....

If Dink was out strolling with or without me he would not stop and say to himself or anyone else "Hey Tammy would really like this" and stop and buy it for me...Here in lies the problem...What the hell do I mean to him....Well for those of you who have my Myspace info you will see that my attitude for the day is "used"...thats right "USED"!! I do absolutely everything for Dink and his children and at this particular time I feel like I mean nothing! Absolutely nothing! I don't even rank high enough for him to buy me some freakin kettlecorn, a soda, a piece of chewed gum. What I am good enough for is a place to stay, a kitchen to eat at, a free pair of shoes...and a massage. Hence the feeling Used....Today I would like to curl up in a ball and die!

So, Ms. Kettlecorn, here it is, you have been waiting and waiting to have him back to yourself and as of today you are way closer than you have ever been!! Come on over and get your fucking Kettlecorn and enjoy!

Random Search!

So another long nite of restlessness leads me to searching thru funny pictures on Youtube and then googling for the same picture I found on a Youtube video....I happened across this picture and had to take a second look to make sure that it wasn't The Sperm Donor's Foreign Exchange Student Albanian Wife....

For those of you who have not heard the story, The Albanian is a terrible driver, which is ironic because she works for Progressive insurance...Note to all regular and non regular readers, if you are insured thru Progressive and you have an accident that brings an Albanian man looking woman out to your site to report the claim, you might actually be in luck...since she has been in approximately 5 accidents since getting her license a few years ago, there is a good chance that she actually knows what she is reporting on. It may be in her own personal resume of accidents.

Now for the real reason the picture made me smile....in the middle of July I had to meet the Albanian to drop off the kids. This is something I am forced to due per court order...the meeting place a McDonalds in Baldwin. So, I am waiting there with my mother, always my companion for such trips, when the Albanian pulls up. I never get out of the van unless I absolutely have to...this is how I practice self restraint for what my bff likes to call the urge to light the Albanian on fire. Now, on this particular occassion I could have been nice and met her somewhere closer to the cities since I was going to Jamey's shop to take Uncle Bob out for his birthday dinner, however since the Sperm Donor and the Albanian's are pricks I did not do this and met them at the court order place at the court ordered time. I awaited her transfer of the kids into her car, which is her 2nd car, first car was involved in 3 accidents to my knowledge...alas she figures out how seatbelts and carseats work and they are off...or so she thought...she reved the engine and pulled up over the little cement barrier thing (nearly close to the one in the picture) oops must have put it in drive instead of reverse...the entire time my mother and I are laughing hysterically at the Albanian, whom I am sure can hear us. Still not realizing that she has it in drive she hits the gas again...not going far because she has her car already hung up on the cement barrier...the look of frustration on her face because she clearly still hasn't figured out that she has it in drive, not reverse, she shuts off the car, apparently thinking that she is having mechanical issues....she turns car back on and this time hits reverse...only she is so hung up that she only reves the engine....OMG, sitting in the van watching as I nearly piss my pants....finally she gives it enough gas and gets back over the hump....WOW!

So she gets on the freeway heading back to the cities with my children, driving like she is in a Nascar race...apparently she is the Jeff Gordon of Racing in Albania! Imagine the look of surprise when she sees us going the same direction!

Having to deal with the Sperm Donor ....Cost: more time/money than I can list

Watching the Albanian pick up my children....Cost: a heart attack waiting to happen

Look on Albanian's face as I pass her....Cost: worth more than you know

Sound of Sperm Donor on Sunday when we talked about the exchange of the kids when I answered that yes I did go all the way to the cities on Friday....Cost: Priceless!!!!

Restless and Laughing for no Reason

Tammy

PS The Albanian had a new car for the next pick of children!!! Wonder if it had to do with nearly ripping the engine out of the old one? Ah well who cares!

Rip Cord Again!

Its that time again to do the family excursion to Valleyfair with Uncle Bob... This time shall be better than the last time as we are going with more people and with any luck I will not be guilted into all the crazy rides that Jay is so fond of. This year there will be 11 of us all together.

Briefly, this is the strange combination of guest. Jamey's biological brother and his "not for real" real wife and their daughter Jessie will be coming to my house tomorrow evening and following me to Uncle Bobs house. For those of you who don't know Uncle Bob is part of Jamey's adoptive family and the most sweetest wonderfulist (my own word) man you will ever meet in your entire life. From Uncle Bob's house we will go to Valleyfair...all of us: Jamey, his two boys Kenny and Tony, Myself and my three kids Gabe, Kaylee and Jonathan, Jamey's brother Brad and the "not real" real wife Marsha, and their daughter Jessie...and last but certainly not least my favorite Uncle Bob...who will go to watch us all nearly crap our pants on rides, listen to the kids whine about being hungry thirsty, bored and whatever else they can think of to complain about, and the only ride that Uncle Bob will be on is the Bob Ride...this is the most important ride to locate in the entire park...for those of you who haven't figured it out...the Bob Ride is the bathroom.

So now you may be asking yourself about the picture above...there is a story behind this ride. This is the ever famous Rip Cord...Jamey spent all last summer gearing me up for the Rip Cord....when the day finally arrived he told me that I didn't have to go on it but then proceeded to pester all day about if I was going to go....I kept putting it off telling him I didn't know...well finally I had to decide as it was getting close to closing time...I agreed....what the hell was I thinking...I mean seriously!!! Below is the discription that Valleyfair provides about the Rip Cord on their Website:

An 18-story Skycoaster© ride that takes guests to a height of 180 feet. With a pull of the "rip cord" guests free-fall for an experience similar to skydiving and hang-gliding. Guests will fly at almost 60 mph. RipCord can accommodate up to three flyers per flight.

Yeah clearly I was not of sound mind when I agreed to this and I might add you have to sign a waiver for this ride...OMG, apparently I was drugged that day.

So I have agreed to the ride and suit up...my only stipulation was that he had to pull the rip cord *(and pay the extra fee). So all is going well we are all suited up and then they take you to the little box platform thing where they begin to raise you up....again all is well until I hear one of those pimply faced teenagers say "Oh oh"....um no, there is no "oh oh" when you are raising me up 180' above my children, who seriously don't need the last memories of their mother to be seeing her crash to the ground at 60 +mph....apparently in the "confusion" I ended up with the suit that had the rip cord...I refuse to believe that this was done in error...I am certain that boy who still claims his inocense in the whole ordeal knew from the beginning that I was going to have to pull the rip cord...possibly even requested it before I walked up to suit up....hmmmm....The entire way up he tried to talk to me, while I am fumbling to find the rip cord that no one bothered to show me....all I could tell him was "Shut up you lost the right to talk to me when you convinced me to get on this God forsaken ride...." Apparently in the fluery of events the pimply faced teenager and his cohort began the 1 ... 2... and yeah not quite finished with number 3 when I finally found the freakin rip cord and yonked it sending us free falling...which by the way was actually quite fun by then....The kids thought it was funny so I guess all was good in the end.

So this year the plan is to get Jessie on the Rip Cord and we have just discovered that you can go with up to three people at a time! Jessie, beward you are pulling this time girlie!!!