Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone; & do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, & make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Friends vs Acquantances
I make a distinction between Friends and acquaintances. There is a joke that use to illustrate the difference between the two. Your acquaintances may be willing to help you move your stuff but... Your Friends will help you move the bodies too.
Our real/true friends are people that we can rely on and vice versa when the other is in need.
Very few people have many real/true Friends. The number of acquaintances that a person has is even more subjective and is always a far smaller number.
I think another definition of true friends are people who are there for you when things go wrong and nobody else will help, so going the extra mile for someone is going to have much more of an impact than agreeing that you like the same movie. Who helps you move house is a real acid test :-)
I think true friendship comes from mutual trust and support and effort rather than circumstances. Your best friend isn't your best friend because you hang out at the same bar with the same group of people. He or she has built a connection with you that extends beyond interests or a common environment. That person has shown you, and you have shown that person, a level of acceptance and support that encompasses all areas of your life, not just those where your path and your friend's converge. A true friend is one who appreciates who you are as a person, not just what you do or how you are similar to him/her.
As for what you can do to deepen that kind of connection with someone, I think the first step is developing an interest in getting to know that person as a whole being. Asking thoughtful questions and remembering his/her responses, and then following up on them later. Learning more about that person's values and passions and expressing interest and encouragement. It's an old (but like most, true) cliche that people generally love to talk about themselves, but I think it also creates a bond between them and you. Few people are lucky to have someone else truly intrigued by what makes them tick, and I think we gravitate to those who express that.
Also, making a consistent effort to maintain contact with that person. After a short while, as the connection deepens, you won't have to make such an effort because it will be well-reciprocated, and/or the bond will remain strong even when you're out of touch. But until that time, I think it's important to check in occasionally (even if it's just an email to ask how their trip to such-and-such went, if they told you they were doing that the previous weekend). It's very easy among acquaintances to fall into a pattern of only getting in touch on a Friday night to make weekend plans. And if an opportunity arises for you to show some support during a difficult time (such as if the person is undergoing a medical crisis or a death in the family or a loss of a job), then do it! So many "good acquaintances" vanish as soon as a person experiences a real problem. People tend to remember, and appreciate, those who stuck around. I know for me, that one thing has been a real eye-opener over the years.
It's funny. There is a pattern to my close friendships-- a particular personality type, and even a astrological sign (though I don't really believe in the zodiac)-- but my very closest friends don't match. I think time and shared experience are a big factor, but there is also mutal interest in each other's quirks. I have nothing in common with my best friend of 20 years. I just like the way she sees the world. We know that we couldn't live with one another, but we talk about once a week, and have for as long as I remember.
So if you want to know who your real true friends are:
Hit rock bottom. Look around. See the people standing by you?
It's them.
Our real/true friends are people that we can rely on and vice versa when the other is in need.
Very few people have many real/true Friends. The number of acquaintances that a person has is even more subjective and is always a far smaller number.
I think another definition of true friends are people who are there for you when things go wrong and nobody else will help, so going the extra mile for someone is going to have much more of an impact than agreeing that you like the same movie. Who helps you move house is a real acid test :-)
I think true friendship comes from mutual trust and support and effort rather than circumstances. Your best friend isn't your best friend because you hang out at the same bar with the same group of people. He or she has built a connection with you that extends beyond interests or a common environment. That person has shown you, and you have shown that person, a level of acceptance and support that encompasses all areas of your life, not just those where your path and your friend's converge. A true friend is one who appreciates who you are as a person, not just what you do or how you are similar to him/her.
As for what you can do to deepen that kind of connection with someone, I think the first step is developing an interest in getting to know that person as a whole being. Asking thoughtful questions and remembering his/her responses, and then following up on them later. Learning more about that person's values and passions and expressing interest and encouragement. It's an old (but like most, true) cliche that people generally love to talk about themselves, but I think it also creates a bond between them and you. Few people are lucky to have someone else truly intrigued by what makes them tick, and I think we gravitate to those who express that.
Also, making a consistent effort to maintain contact with that person. After a short while, as the connection deepens, you won't have to make such an effort because it will be well-reciprocated, and/or the bond will remain strong even when you're out of touch. But until that time, I think it's important to check in occasionally (even if it's just an email to ask how their trip to such-and-such went, if they told you they were doing that the previous weekend). It's very easy among acquaintances to fall into a pattern of only getting in touch on a Friday night to make weekend plans. And if an opportunity arises for you to show some support during a difficult time (such as if the person is undergoing a medical crisis or a death in the family or a loss of a job), then do it! So many "good acquaintances" vanish as soon as a person experiences a real problem. People tend to remember, and appreciate, those who stuck around. I know for me, that one thing has been a real eye-opener over the years.
It's funny. There is a pattern to my close friendships-- a particular personality type, and even a astrological sign (though I don't really believe in the zodiac)-- but my very closest friends don't match. I think time and shared experience are a big factor, but there is also mutal interest in each other's quirks. I have nothing in common with my best friend of 20 years. I just like the way she sees the world. We know that we couldn't live with one another, but we talk about once a week, and have for as long as I remember.
So if you want to know who your real true friends are:
Hit rock bottom. Look around. See the people standing by you?
It's them.
Wow...the fallout!!!!
So it has come to my attention that I am a very very important person....oh and I better add that Jamey is also very important! And apparently it matters to other people who I talk to, hang out with (in this case it would be more along the lines of who I subject myself to), and what I do....If this is you...well, I am slightly concerned about why you care so much. Let me explain...
Continuation on "Cooties" blog...apparently Jamey talked to girlfriend #3...you know her as "KETTLECORN PEST"!! He felt the need to tell her that we were out with Ex wife this Saturday which pissed her off....Well anyone who knows Jay knows that he doesn't care what anyone else thinks .... so to add insult to injury he also told her that "we helped Ex wife move and that we hung out with Ex Girlfriend #2 this weekend and that Ex Girlfriend #2 and Tammy got along...even exchanged numbers"....lol! I was unaware of the conversation until just a few minutes ago when I signed on to Facebook and found her little status set as "#3 is glad she sticks by what she believes in when others crumble!" Seriously, why does she care if I talk to them...I talk to her too....So I imagine that now she won't talk to us for a long time...thank GOD! What a blessing in disguise! My evil plan is working...who knew!
Monday, July 21, 2008
I gave the ex girlfriend Cooties!!!!
DAY ONE
So, Country Jam was this past weekend...let me tell you about my weekend...First off I got Jamey and I tickets by buying beer! Um I don't drink beer so I now have 2 cases of beer sitting at my house...but hey what can you do...so I get the tickets and Jamey comes home early Friday so we can try to make some of the shows...well the first thing that happened which should have been an indication of the how the weekend would go was we parked (too far away because someone knew this was the good parking area), walked away from the jeep and then Jamey asked...hey did I give you the keys to the jeep...ummm NO!!! Yes that is right folks the keys were locked in the jeep...not much you can do at that point...well...we walked down to the grounds with intentions of finding Jeff...for those of you who don't know Jeff is Jamey's ex father in law...that's right father of Judge Judy star Jennifer! He is on the Altoona police force and was working Jam, so we hoped for the best. First we met up with Jamey's friend Wade and Wade's brother in law Jeremy...they got us campground passes which was a sweet deal and the only way to go in my opinion:) Any way they took us to the campgrounds to get the wristbands and then took their dear old sweet time getting us back to the Jam grounds...which was eating Jamey alive because his keys are still sitting in the jeep and since he is very anal about things well....near panic attack!!!
We no sooner walked into the grounds and ran into the second EX...the only one of the all too small and uncomfortable circle that I find myself having to associate with. Mind you this is the only one that I have never met until this point! Yay for me!!!
After our encounter of the third kind, Jamey and I found Jeff who thank God! does have connections and found a tow truck guy that he is friends with to meet Jay back at the "great parking spot"...on our way to have me go to the bathrooms and him go to the Jeep we passed the Sperm Donor...unnoticed thankfully! All was well Jamey got into the jeep, parked it at the campgrounds, rode the bus back to me from the campgrounds.
We then spent a little bit of time with my friend Heather and her boyfriend who kindly enough had brought our chairs down to the grounds for us...I want to point out they brought them down we have no idea where they are now because we didn't stick around for very long! Also to note ex girlfriend #3 apparently continually harassed Jay to get her kettle corn...wtf ever! Aghh these people.... Back to the campgrounds we went.
All in all the campgrounds were fun..with a few exceptions:
1. We have friends that are dating that fight EVERY single time we are out
2. Ex girlfriend #2 was there
3. Icky man named Scott felt the need to hump my leg every 5 minutes
I had a lot to drink, too much, even felt very friendly toward ex girlfriend #2 who by the way I have told everyone I know is a dirty whore on more than one occasion. Ohhh and I gave her hives apparently hence the name for the post! Jamey learned how to do a beer bong for the first time and LIKED it! He was quite funny too! I also talked to Jeff at the campgrounds...he is pretty cool, very unfortunate that he has loser kids!
DAY TWO
Jamey woke up feeling the pain Saturday...he finally got up to go and get his son Tony. While he was over there retrieving the boy Wade called me...says hey I am suppose to tell you to call EX Girlfriend number 2...um I don't have her number, why would I??? He gave it to me...guess what I called her and apparently you guessed it....title of the blog...I gave her hives! How you might ask...well apparently she has very sensitive skin and I gave her a hug and I must have cooties or something isn't that too funny!
So when picking up the boy from ex wife she offered free tickets to us!!! Can you even believe this! Its like a soap opera waiting to be written! Anyway they are free tickets so why not right! Ah yes, remember when your parents told you that nothing in life is free...there was a price....we had to spend the evening with ex wife, her most currently ex husband ( who is totally strange, but nice enough) and some queer friend of ex wife who between the two of them I wasn't sure who was worse. I had high hopes of meeting up with my friend Scott, who is an army recruiter, but he failed to be there...which sucks cause I sure could have used the relief of someone who is mostly stable to talk to! I was told by the current ex husband of the ex wife that he liked me because I was nicely shaped...that was slightly creepy, but I don't think he gets it so whatever. After hours of the endless torture, we finally got to leave and go back to the campground!!! That was much better since ex wife couldn't go to the campgrounds:)
As usual our friends had their normal girlfriend boyfriend fight...thank God Jamey and I aren't like that and make all our friends uncomfortable.
Again, creepy dude tried to hump on my leg...Jamey forewarned him "Hey she can take care of herself so I would be careful cause I won't stop her"....well he tried to hump on my leg one more time and that was it, I wasn't drunk enough to just brush it off I put my hand on his crotch, told him I don't enjoy you and I suggest you stop if you want to go home with all your body parts intact!! Guess what??? That works!
So long story short: a weekend of friends, ex wives, ex husband...ex every things, a humping guy and the cooties that I spread and a good time was had by me...
Keeper of the Cooties
Tammy
PS...I woke up with a huge spider bite on Sunday...thinking about going to the Dr is there a remedy for spider bites?? Or maybe I gave myself cooties!
19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something , ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it In'.
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Smuggling Drugs'.
7. Finish All Your sentences with ' In Accordance With The Prophecy '.
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat,with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical sounds All Day .
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won!I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy (and gas prices) , We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
Blessed are the cracked, for it is they who let in the light!
What About Me!
Hello to all! This is my first blog entry that I have finally decided to start doing after many conversations with the BFF. I figured a good place to vent and share with anyone who might actually be interested. What about me?? Well people who know me say I am fun and loving....my friends are smart enough to know that most of it is witty sarcasm and if you are lucky I like you! I say I am curious and friendly...loyal and sweet, would do anything for any one of my friends...Aside from that...I have three beautiful babies of my own: Gabe is 12 and driving me crazy with his tween attitude, I have Kaylee the Tomboy slash Princess depending on the day, she is a magnificant 8...and then my Jonathan, he is my thrill seeker and will probably be the one to give me a heart attack when he is a teenager...thank God he is only 6 and madly inlove with his Johnny Appleseed girlfriend (aka my bff Miss) I also have 2 extra cute boys that belong to my Jamey:) Kenny is the oldest of the bunch being a soon to be driving madman...actually he is an awesome kid and I am glad he is part of the family. Last but certainly not least the little boy who comes to our house every weekend Tony. He is Jamey's youngest and is quite the negotiator...gets that from his Daddy.
So a little more on me...well I am currently 31 but really I am like 21! I only wish! I work for a big company but I work from home so most days you will find me slaving away in front of my computer in the basement of my house in my jammies...until at least noon! I was married for 9 years and that was interesting to say the least. We were a Navy family and have lived in Maryland, Florida, California, Ohio and back to Maryland before finally coming back to home sweet home Wisconsin. Three kids later Divorce...thank god! The Sperm Donor for those of you who don't know is married to his foreign exchange student bride from Albania who is about 10 years younger than him...questions??? Yeah me too but feel free to ask! I got the better end of the deal, no more him and a better man, Jamey! Jamey and I have been together for over 2 1/2 years now. We actually went to high school together however he would never have been my type nor me his!
For the most part life is sane...but you know there are always twists and in this blog you are certain to hear about that too!
So a little more on me...well I am currently 31 but really I am like 21! I only wish! I work for a big company but I work from home so most days you will find me slaving away in front of my computer in the basement of my house in my jammies...until at least noon! I was married for 9 years and that was interesting to say the least. We were a Navy family and have lived in Maryland, Florida, California, Ohio and back to Maryland before finally coming back to home sweet home Wisconsin. Three kids later Divorce...thank god! The Sperm Donor for those of you who don't know is married to his foreign exchange student bride from Albania who is about 10 years younger than him...questions??? Yeah me too but feel free to ask! I got the better end of the deal, no more him and a better man, Jamey! Jamey and I have been together for over 2 1/2 years now. We actually went to high school together however he would never have been my type nor me his!
For the most part life is sane...but you know there are always twists and in this blog you are certain to hear about that too!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
