Miscommunication!

Hey readers, got this one from a co-worker thought you all might enjoy it!

A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to investigate. Attached is what he found. Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to........

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

Popcorn, Discount Cards and God Knows What Else!!

So I know I can't possibly be the only one that is being bombarded by this nonsense of selling any thing and everything to all your friends relatives, and a bunch of strangers. We have so much going on in this house it isn't funny....we had pictures times 4....clothing for football, coupons and discount cards for hockey, popcorn for boyscouts, I am sure fall products for Girl Scouts and then whatever the kids get from school....who knows how much more there will be....anyway, hopefully someone who reads this feels compelled to buy something .... here is the letter from my boy;)
Hello everyone,
I decided to join the Cub Scouts this year cause it is going to teach me all kinds of things like respect, loyalty, responsibility and more....plus I get to have fun doing it! I am really excited to build my pine car for the derby. Part of being in the Cub Scouts is this fundraiser, it is the only fundraising that the boy scouts do and it funds our whole year. I am hoping that there is maybe some thing in that you might be interested in since there are many kinds of popcorn and this year there is even Trail Mix....lots of these come in great tins that are fun to display. We also have a selection for sending Popcorn over seas to our troops to if you didn't need any popcorn for yourself but you want the brave soldiers to get some. For that you have to pay for it upfront and I have to turn it in just 3 weeks...if you want to order anything else you can just email or call my mom with your order and you have until November when the popcorn arrives to pay for it. I appreciate all your help.
Thanks Again,
Jon Corriea

P.S.
You can see what is available at this website however if you would please email or call my mom with your order that would be prefered, when you order on the website my Den/Troop doesn't get any of that money, it goes to the Boy Scout Council only. Thanks Again:)

http://www.trails-end.com/TESales/public/productlist.asp?PublicCountryCode=1&action=FilterCouncil&FilterCouncil=24859&SelectedCountry=United+States&SelectedState=Wisconsin&SelectedCountryFilter=1&SelectedStateFilter=60&SelectedCouncil=Chippewa+Valley

For you Miss!

So my bff wanted me to share a story with you after she found a similar story online!

A long time ago when we were just teenagers I was dating this guy whom I apparently was the only one who enjoyed him. He was older and I thought he was cute....Anyway, BFF did not enjoy him and most certainly my mom did not enjoy him either. It just so happened that he played hockey and for whatever reason I really honestly don't remember I had his hockey stick in my bedroom.

My oldest sister lived with a friend who had a little boy that BFF and I would babysit pretty regularly. Most times this would be so that Sis and Friend could go out to the bar. One nite BFF and I were babysitting and as usual it entailed us spending the nite so that the girls could close the bar down. Now Friend gave permission for the boyfriend to spend the nite so all was cool. He came over later and we just hung out and then we all went to sleep....boyfriend, me, and BFF all right next to each other in that order. Nothing happened...I swear this on my children's life and also based on the fact that BFF would have murder him first and then me.

So, low and behold the girls came home and nothing was said about boyfriend spending the night. Didn't seem like it was a big deal at all. We went home the next day as usual and things still were just fine. We went somewhere together boyfriend, BFF and myself...I think we might have went to see one of BFF's Foreign exchange student friends...memory is a little foggy on this so I could be wrong. We came home and pretty much before we got past the front door my mother came out swinging with the Hockey Stick...told him to never come back along with I am sure some explicative words of advise for the boyfriend.

At that point boyfriend left with BFF and myself waiting on deck for steaming hot Mother to return. Although both BFF and I tried to explain that nothing had happened Hockey Stick Mad Mom was not in the mood for conversation and for the first and only time in my life my mother slapped me.

That being said let me give you some excerpts from BFF's findings:

DELTONA, Fla. - An angry Deltona father whacked his teenage daughter's boyfriend with a metal pipe after finding the boy naked in his daughter's room. Authorities say the father, 45, didn't even know his daughter had a boyfriend or that the youngster had been sneaking into the home for more than a year.

When he heard noises coming from his daughter's bedroom Thursday morning and saw a stranger standing naked on the girl's bed, he swung a metal pipe. He then chased the teen out the front door and called police.
The boy was taken to the hospital where doctors closed a head wound with staples.
The father was charged with aggravated battery on a child and bonded out on $10,000.

Bottom Line : Mom the Boyfriend in question would definitely not be worth the penalty!!!

True and Funny!

Found these funny stories and wanted to share with all...completely odd:)

A Pennsylvania woman who thought she was petting a neighbor's cat got a smelly surprise when it turned out to be a skunk. Not only did the skunk spray the woman before dawn Monday, but it ran into her Mount Carmel home. (Note to self...if this is your neighbors pet you might be a redneck)

Thank God I am a Christian, pretty sure Jesus isn't going to send me out on this mission:

A 40-year-old man walking his dog in the nude was Tasered by police when he refused to follow an officer's commands. David McCranie of the Tallahassee Police Department said an officer on patrol spotted the man shortly after 8 p.m. Friday.
The man was asked what he was doing and told the officer, "Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog," McCranie said.
McCranie said using the Taser was the only way to subdue the man without having to hurt him. The man was then sent for mental-health evaluation and treatment.

If these are the kinds of emergencies they have in Scotland I am so moving....I will write when I get there friends:

1. Your rabbit's ears aren't floppy? Sorry, that's not an emergency. So said police in Scotland when a woman rang the emergency 999 number to discuss her concerns about her new pet. She said the newspaper ad promised floppy ears, but flop they would not.

2. Central Scotland Police said Monday they were equally unimpressed by another caller who complained that a passing car had splashed water on him, and by someone else inquiring about the postal code for a town's post office.

Dirty dishes are definitely not worth a $10,000 bail bond...what friend gets you out for this one?

Police say a 20-year-old woman faces an aggravated assault charge after she bit her boyfriend, broke a picture frame across his face and swung at him with a sword during an argument about him not doing the dishes.

2 Hours Since Exchange...Kids crying to come home!

So, it's Exchange Kids with the Sperm Donor Friday...lucky me. There is a ritual that starts in my house approximately 15-20 minutes after I pick up my children from the Sperm Donor on his weekend....I begins shortly after they move from his vehicle to mine on that Sunday. Generally it goes something like this...So how was your weekend did you do anything fun?...this is followed up with whatever they did or didn't do with the Sperm Donor and his Mail Order Bride. Most times it ends in man I wish we didn't have to go next time or something along those lines. I try not to ask too many questions and honestly this is to protect my own self because I don't want to hear the bad stuff that I can't protect them from.

For those of you who don't know since day one of our separation even Kaylee and Jonathan have not wanted to go with Sperm Donor...this has evolved now to include Gabriel. All three are now contemplating things that they can do or become involved in that will decrease any visitation time spent with him. Gabriel has even decided that even though he didn't really care for sports camp that he would rather go to that then have to go to his dads. Not a suggestion on my part. The girl has decided that hockey, 4-H, Girl Scouts and possibly Ski Sprites are great things to do to avoid the house of torture....Jonathan is determined to be a boyscout and well would pretty much do anything else if it meant not going to dads....what should I do?

The past few weeks in particular have been filled with stories of being forced to stay at the table until everything is gone from their plates not matter what it is, no snacks during the day, no drinks unless it is meal time, Sperm Donor and Foreigner eating candy in front of the kids but not sharing ever, baths still given by the Foreigner, not being allowed to call home, all Daddy does is smoke and drink...countless stories about Beer and their Dad....the list goes on...so here I sit with all this info and nothing I can do about it....Court on October 2nd.

Which leads to this blog...Kid exchange was as usual in Baldwin at 630...kids picked up by Foreigner. Approximately 2 hours after the exchange I get a call from the girl...I find this peculiar because they have been denied the right to call before??? Anyway, girl is upset, she is crying she is homesick, she misses me and wants to come home...she says she doesn't feel good her tummy hurts...I am heart sick...I remember being homesick, for those of you who don't know I couldn't spend the nite at even a relatives house without getting homesick until I was a teenager. I remember!!! And here is my baby girl crying and physically sick because she doesn't want to be with her own father and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Sperm Donor being the dickhead that he is would never allow for her to come home, I can't make him, I can't do anything for her except assure her that it is not my decision and she says she know that.

I just don't understand why parents are this way. You should never make a child come to see you. If they don't want to come that should be their choice. I do not sit and tell my kids all kinds of bad shit about their father to make them not want to go. I know this does happen in other cases but this is not the case here. The just don't want to go. The law sucks, kids don't have any rights basically to chose who they want to be with or when or anything else. In Eau Claire in particular they have the man with little man syndrome who sits high and mighty behind his little desk with a gavel and the authority to make every ones life miserable all because he has a penis between his legs and thinks that men get the short end of the stick when it comes to placement of children. I am not saying that men shouldn't get custody or good visitation of there children but there are some circumstances in which one parent simply is not a good fit for the children at that particular time or forever and instead of just auto adjudicating every app for custody with Joint maybe we need to be taking a closer look at each situation.

Point being the system sucks and I would still like to meet Lady and the Tramp in a Dark Alley with a baseball bat.

Mid life crisis with a mail order solution?

When the package arrives, you pull the handle, and your "bride" inflates.

For those of you who need a little refresher on the whole Mail Order Bride/Groom (yes they even have grooms) here is a summery before I rant...

A mail order bride or groom is a person who publishes their intent to marry someone from another - usually more well-developed - country.Historically, mail order brides were listed in catalogues and selected by men for marriage. Sometimes they were citizens of the same country, and other times they were not. They traditionally hail from lesser developed countries, such as China, Venezuela, and India. In the past, international marriage agencies would publish picture catalogues but the Internet has largely supplanted this method.It's different from an arranged marriage in that the parents have a role in choosing the bride / groom for their child. In mail-order, you pick at your own risk.

So now for my personal touch...I have this friend who is perfectly wonderful who has been dating a perfectly wonderful douche bag! She no doubt is reading this and is not clueless to how I feel about Mr. Wonderful! So here it goes....So my friend is terrifically awesome to this man, treats him like a "King" and loves him tremendously and Mr. Wonderful for the past 6 plus months has drug his feet with excuse after excuse about how he had been talking to several other women at the same time as when he started talking to my friend...and the whole oh woe is me...I just gotta know....What he just has to know is if the grass is greener on the other side. He feeds her lines of crap because he doesn't have the balls to not have a back up plan. Problem is my friend is awesome and can't let go especially since he keeps being wishy washy....so my "Jewel" of a friend who has a full heart invested in this man has stuck around for numerous others to drop out of the picture...now we are down to "the last one" or so he says...but this is where it gets just great.

Last one is from 1/2 way around the world....now I think Mr. Wonderful actually believes that she is legit, but I suspect that is because he is a freakin IDIOT (or honestly maybe it is genius on his part? it so far has worked...) um hello, she begs and begs for you to come, you agree, you get a unsolicited email about mail order brides and her picture is on the front of it (no searching needed) and you let her explain it away as an interpreting company who also does mail order brides....are you serious...are you freakin serious. What kind of a Dickhead do you have to be. Top that off with your last point of contact with her being that she wants to introduce you to the parental units, ask daddy for permission to marry his daughter...make references to "our kids" and "our house"...and you think all she wants is to meet you...If you insist on going to just "meet" her to easy your conscious I would be sure to check your luggage for stowaways when you come back...

What kind of fucking idiot do you have to be to fly 1/2 way around the world to meet a woman who can't speak English, posts her picture on websites aimed at Morons in the United States, tells you she is only looking for an American man, and loses touch with you on occasion (in particular when something occurs that would cause suspicion of her intentions). I have thought a lot of men were losers, I have thought a lot of men were idiots, but this man is pure ASSHOLE as he requests that my friend who is phenomenal wait so that he knows for sure that the grass isn't greener on the other side...So for those of you wondering about all the asshole pictures on the blog...those are directed at Mr. Wonderful!

Mr. Wonderful, what you should know is that My Friend is absolutely PHENOMENAL and deserves better than you and for some unknown ungodly unexplainable reason has chosen to lay her heart on the line for you. If you had a pair of balls you would wake up and realize that the greener grass you are looking for has already been by your side for months now treating you like a KING!!! Wake the fuck up!

Because I am Just That Freakin Important!!!

So what I have learned is that whatever I set my " status" to is very very important to people. It appears that within the last month on more than one occasion a Kettle corn stalker has needed to figure out why my status is what it is and if it is in reference to her...now, I must tell you that on more than one occasion and yes indeed on the last two occasions that she has inquired it has been in reference to the Kettle corn Stalker...but not always...I do however enjoy throwing things in there that catch her off guard and make her question her own childish tactics including this last one for which I updated my status to "Tammy is thinking keep dreaming, that is the past" which was in reference to Kettle corn putting a picture of her and my boyfriend together over 5 years ago when they were dating as one of her pictures on her face book account....how freaking big of a douche bag (thank you bff for that word) do you need to be to post that pictures...seriously!!! Posting a picture of you with an ex boyfriend on your various web account only leads others to believe that you feel that you aren't good enough and you have absolutely nothing to add to those around you or to life in general...which quite honestly is certainly true in this case.
So, for the rest of my avid readers, which there are not too terribly many, do not take this post to heart because really it is a spoof and you know me well enough to know how much of this is a joke! Read on....
I’m the most important person in my life and certainly in yours and I say this without regret or ego. It is a fact that if I do not take care of myself to the best of my ability I will fail as a human being. This means I am more important than you to me. If you think this is a selfish ideologue I have absolutely no problem accepting that. But I bet you do, because you know that what I say and do is more important than anything you could possibly have to offer. I am the most important person. And it is all about me. This means if I want to help you, extend myself to you, or be of service to you, I have to put me first. This also means I don’t have to help you if I don’t want to and the reason is none of your business - not to sound unkind - but you do not have a “right” to me, my thoughts or my feelings. I owe no one an explanation and those people who would require one, would want one in order to judge it to either talk me out of it, make me wrong on it, guilt me with it, or try to rationalize it away from me. If I trust to, I may tell you. If I don’t I won’t. You do have a “right” to yours and I may suggest that if you’re feeling “off” you examine them. If I lose me, I am useless to you; I am useless to me. You cannot fill up my bucket, no matter how hard you try. If you bend over backwards and contort and hurt yourself for my benefit I may or may not notice but you will almost surely get resentful. Your resentment will not hurt me. I promise. But it will hurt you. It will permeate everything you touch and you will stunt yourself.
So if you must know, yes it was intended toward you, anytime you read what I think, know that it is true, it is probably about you and your stupid thoughts and tactics, and no matter how nice I am to you in person, I do for certain, not like you!

What Should Have Been a Great Weekend....

So, what started out as a great extended weekend went Arie on Sunday. Friday was spent running a few last minute errands for the pre-1st day of school. Saturday was just kind of a lazy day...don't think we really did all too much but that was kind of nice as this summer has been kind of hectic with lots of kids all summer long and summer school and sports camps you name it, it probably happened for us. Sunday is the great day that I must tell you about. Sunday was a joke. See, some how during the middle of last week I got roped into working Sunday to test out the new system for work. It started something like this: supervisor "Hey we have some overtime...you want it"....me (and a few other unsuspecting soles) "ah yeah!"...supervisor "well you have to work in the office" me "agghhh"...but I needed the OT so OK...well then we were told it would be for 4 hours starting around 11am...that was followed by a few teleconferences telling us it could be earlier, it could be later, it could be short, it could be longer, it could be in Cyndi's office....oh who knows but call in every 15 minutes for an hour and a half prior to whatever the latest start time is that you know of cause it could change. Now we were going in to help test out the new system that the company was massly switching to all in one weekend. Making sure all info went over...After a painful morning of waiting and waiting some more, the start time went from 2:03pm to finally 6pm...got there, waited....waited some more...and then waited again....finally got log ins....found out that I was literally there to test 2 things, which took me all of maybe 20 minutes, much of that time was the explanation on what exactly I was looking for...reviewing a report that was really meant for IT, not me!!, some pizza, a few candies and a couple of sodas, and ta DA!! 4 and 1/2 hours of Sunday pay for 20 minutes of work later and I was on my way home, tired, disappointed, sun burnt (*from the pre work time excursion to the park for the big boys to play football so I could spend the rest of my long weekend listening to how sore the babies in my house were) and convinced that this migration was a great big joke!