I make a distinction between Friends and acquaintances. There is a joke that use to illustrate the difference between the two. Your acquaintances may be willing to help you move your stuff but... Your Friends will help you move the bodies too.
Our real/true friends are people that we can rely on and vice versa when the other is in need.
Very few people have many real/true Friends. The number of acquaintances that a person has is even more subjective and is always a far smaller number.
I think another definition of true friends are people who are there for you when things go wrong and nobody else will help, so going the extra mile for someone is going to have much more of an impact than agreeing that you like the same movie. Who helps you move house is a real acid test :-)
I think true friendship comes from mutual trust and support and effort rather than circumstances. Your best friend isn't your best friend because you hang out at the same bar with the same group of people. He or she has built a connection with you that extends beyond interests or a common environment. That person has shown you, and you have shown that person, a level of acceptance and support that encompasses all areas of your life, not just those where your path and your friend's converge. A true friend is one who appreciates who you are as a person, not just what you do or how you are similar to him/her.
As for what you can do to deepen that kind of connection with someone, I think the first step is developing an interest in getting to know that person as a whole being. Asking thoughtful questions and remembering his/her responses, and then following up on them later. Learning more about that person's values and passions and expressing interest and encouragement. It's an old (but like most, true) cliche that people generally love to talk about themselves, but I think it also creates a bond between them and you. Few people are lucky to have someone else truly intrigued by what makes them tick, and I think we gravitate to those who express that.
Also, making a consistent effort to maintain contact with that person. After a short while, as the connection deepens, you won't have to make such an effort because it will be well-reciprocated, and/or the bond will remain strong even when you're out of touch. But until that time, I think it's important to check in occasionally (even if it's just an email to ask how their trip to such-and-such went, if they told you they were doing that the previous weekend). It's very easy among acquaintances to fall into a pattern of only getting in touch on a Friday night to make weekend plans. And if an opportunity arises for you to show some support during a difficult time (such as if the person is undergoing a medical crisis or a death in the family or a loss of a job), then do it! So many "good acquaintances" vanish as soon as a person experiences a real problem. People tend to remember, and appreciate, those who stuck around. I know for me, that one thing has been a real eye-opener over the years.
It's funny. There is a pattern to my close friendships-- a particular personality type, and even a astrological sign (though I don't really believe in the zodiac)-- but my very closest friends don't match. I think time and shared experience are a big factor, but there is also mutal interest in each other's quirks. I have nothing in common with my best friend of 20 years. I just like the way she sees the world. We know that we couldn't live with one another, but we talk about once a week, and have for as long as I remember.
So if you want to know who your real true friends are:
Hit rock bottom. Look around. See the people standing by you?
It's them.
Our real/true friends are people that we can rely on and vice versa when the other is in need.
Very few people have many real/true Friends. The number of acquaintances that a person has is even more subjective and is always a far smaller number.
I think another definition of true friends are people who are there for you when things go wrong and nobody else will help, so going the extra mile for someone is going to have much more of an impact than agreeing that you like the same movie. Who helps you move house is a real acid test :-)
I think true friendship comes from mutual trust and support and effort rather than circumstances. Your best friend isn't your best friend because you hang out at the same bar with the same group of people. He or she has built a connection with you that extends beyond interests or a common environment. That person has shown you, and you have shown that person, a level of acceptance and support that encompasses all areas of your life, not just those where your path and your friend's converge. A true friend is one who appreciates who you are as a person, not just what you do or how you are similar to him/her.
As for what you can do to deepen that kind of connection with someone, I think the first step is developing an interest in getting to know that person as a whole being. Asking thoughtful questions and remembering his/her responses, and then following up on them later. Learning more about that person's values and passions and expressing interest and encouragement. It's an old (but like most, true) cliche that people generally love to talk about themselves, but I think it also creates a bond between them and you. Few people are lucky to have someone else truly intrigued by what makes them tick, and I think we gravitate to those who express that.
Also, making a consistent effort to maintain contact with that person. After a short while, as the connection deepens, you won't have to make such an effort because it will be well-reciprocated, and/or the bond will remain strong even when you're out of touch. But until that time, I think it's important to check in occasionally (even if it's just an email to ask how their trip to such-and-such went, if they told you they were doing that the previous weekend). It's very easy among acquaintances to fall into a pattern of only getting in touch on a Friday night to make weekend plans. And if an opportunity arises for you to show some support during a difficult time (such as if the person is undergoing a medical crisis or a death in the family or a loss of a job), then do it! So many "good acquaintances" vanish as soon as a person experiences a real problem. People tend to remember, and appreciate, those who stuck around. I know for me, that one thing has been a real eye-opener over the years.
It's funny. There is a pattern to my close friendships-- a particular personality type, and even a astrological sign (though I don't really believe in the zodiac)-- but my very closest friends don't match. I think time and shared experience are a big factor, but there is also mutal interest in each other's quirks. I have nothing in common with my best friend of 20 years. I just like the way she sees the world. We know that we couldn't live with one another, but we talk about once a week, and have for as long as I remember.
So if you want to know who your real true friends are:
Hit rock bottom. Look around. See the people standing by you?
It's them.
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